So the intrepid Nice 14 plus coaching guru Moffatt hit the time vortex and were delivered to the sleepy village of Aldbourne, with howling rain. So in our very own Ashes to Ashes there we were in 1974, free from political correctness and health and safety we proceeded to get changed in our cars. We were worried that Nice Terry might get stuck in the back of Nice Bolly's Cortina Ghia while attempting the jock strap shuffle but all was well, with him emerging grinning from ear to ear knowing that had bet on Royal Marshall II who had won the Hennessy Gold Cup before going on to be stabled with Red Rum (the horse not Nice Tel).
Once Nice Pete had finished his packet of Embassy in the fog filled Morris Oxford Shooting Brake, and had encouraged Nice Richard to help him with his dubbin covered boots, the team was ready to make its way to the pitch. With already two general elections and power strikes to endure it was a welcome break to get onto the rugger pitch, hoping that our supreme Welsh talent would help the 14 of us to a great victory.
Sporting his period facial hair Nice Wiz started off at scrum half with Nice Richard as the number 10, the game begin with high hopes- as we kicked the ball the required 10 yards! With Nice Dorset Pete emulating his contemporary hero Mike Slemen on one wing , Harvey had to leave his usual 11 spot and fill in on the flank -we knew we had breadth and depth in our starting line up. Two minutes in and one try down Aldbourne lent us a player to even up the sides, he was pleased to be dragged away from his can of Watney's Red Barrel and get into the action with the Nice Coffin Dodgers.
With Aldbourne having most of the possession and having superior rucking commitment they pounded the Tadley line with Nice Glenn at number 8 trying valiantly to hold them out while the rest of the forwards discussed the impact of the up and coming 1975 Sex Discrimination Act, and if they actually knew any bra burning types. Nice Steve at prop commented to Rocky Murph that he thought the totty should be allowed to work longer hours so they could earn as much as the men. Just then Nice Glenn could hold them off no more and another try was notched up.
In quick succession two more tries were run to make it 28-0 at half time.
The second half saw Nice Bolly and Nice Paul in the back row with Guv’nor Harvey returning to his natural habitat on the wing. The defence improved with better use of bending the laws of the game at the breakdown, and a notable number of tackles by Nice Ali at fullback kept out more tries. Eventually all that tackling resulted in a blow to the head for Nice Ali and he began talking about the Berlin Wall coming down and that after Red Robbo had bought down British Leyland the new united Germany own the Mini- clearly he was off his trolley.
A couple of runs by Nice Paul could not help the Coffin Dodgers cross the line and their only points came when he took the conversion for the last and only second half Aldbourne try; they were all celebrating round a can of Party 7 and sent nobody forward to do the kick. This clearly foxed the referee who had got into the swing of things with a great looking blagger's moustache, and let the conversion stand. Some late attacks in the game by Nice Pikey and Nice Mark Adams came to no avail but at least we only conceded 5 points in the second half and scored 2.
Hopefully the next Coffin Dodgers match will be better staffed we will be able to tell the opposition to “SHUT IT”
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